The other day I was thinking: don’t be vulnerable, that’s how you get hurt.
This line I’ve repeated over & over again in my head countless times as if being hard, being unwilling to open up is a virtue. It almost became one to me. It became the good thing to do. The cute thing to be— walled up. To be the person that no guy could read. Sure I can tell you why too. I have reasons. In my head they are pretty good ones too.
But God stopped me other day. In a way it’s like He told me... we’ve been working so hard— you’ve written letters, you’ve shared honest thoughts, you’ve taken responsibility to go & “tell your brother his fault” when you’ve been hurt. Why are you stopping now?
It’s like I started making an idol out of the painful things in life. But that’s not Jesus’ way. He chose vulnerability, he got crushed too. It feels like wisdom to be closed off & shut down. (“I’ve been around long enough to know that people hurt people”) & to an extent God asks us to protect our hearts but it’s not necessarily so we can stay free from anything that would hurt us but rather so we can love deeply & fully. His wisdom doesn’t protect us from hurt. It doesn’t guarantee a relationship will work out. Rather it leads me to be the person, the woman, the disciple He has called me to be.
& gives us the ability to trust Him with our hearts—that He is sovereign, that He cares, that He heals, & that if we love well & deeply He has the ability to hold our broken & spent hearts— and use it for good. After all Jesus death is where I found my life. 🤍 i think pride can keep me locked up, bent on being the girl with hurtful things that won’t let guys in easy. But Jesus calls me to something better than that. He calls me to trust that when we love well & are vulnerable He never wastes one drop—even when it crushes us, even when it doesn’t work out in the end, even when it looks like death on a cross. —He uses it for something so much more.
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